Twenty six lessons I learned by twenty six
Turning twenty-six is nothing extraordinary.
And for me, my birthday this year happens to come around at a time when I’m in a more emotional but beautiful season in my life—having to face a lot of harsh realities and learning to let go of control and accept things has been mentally draining. But, despite the mental load, as I’ve gotten older, there have been plenty of positives from aging. One being all the soul-shaping lessons I have learned over the last twenty-six years of my life.
It’s comforting to realize that if you put in the work, you truly do grow into yourself as you age, but to do that, you have to spend time feeling uncomfortable so you actually learn. Getting older doesn’t have to be scary when you are just becoming more of yourself as time moves along.
And I know I still have plenty of life left to live and learn, so I hope I come back here in another 10 years with 36 lessons. The beautiful thing about all of this is I will have hopefully grown. I hope you enjoy these twenty six lessons I learned by twenty six!
1. Your thoughts shape your perspective on your reality, try to look past them at times
It’s kind of simple. If you allow yourself to think your life sucks, your life will probably feel like it does suck. I believe your thoughts shape your perspective on your reality, meaning if you can keep a positive mindset while you’re going through something, you will hopefully be able to get through it more easily. When you dwell and are stuck on a thought, it can ruin your reality. Let the things that don’t really matter anymore go, or try to get yourself to a point where it feels okay to do that. The world around you will feel a lot less heavy.
2. Stay grateful for what you do have and stop dwelling on what you don’t
This isn’t to brag, but my life today is exactly what I imagined for myself at twenty-one. And because of that, I can’t feel anything but grateful for what I have. I don’t think twenty-one-year-old me realized it then, but I had everything I needed and more during that time in my life. I was doing the damn thing, but in the moment it felt like I had nothing. When you are in these wonderful moments, don’t forget to actually look around and soak in everything.
Twenty-six-year-old me is grateful for twenty-one-year-old me giving me what I yearned for. Twenty-six-year-old me can’t believe this is my reality, even though this is exactly what I dreamed for myself.
3. College does pay off
This might be a sensitive topic for the people who didn’t attend college or the ones who made a career without going, but to me, college was the best thing I ever did. I am blessed enough to have parents who were willing to pay to put me through my bachelor’s degree, so I took that opportunity and ran with it.
College placed me around like-minded people who encouraged me to learn, and then, I did the rest. With hard work and dedication, I graduated with my bachelor’s degree in English and picked up two minors along the way. I could go on and on about college and those three and a half years of my life, which I eventually will, but for now, I’ll leave you with my belief that if you are dedicated and have a little bit of luck, college does pay off.
4. Life can be as beautiful as you imagined it to be
It’s hard to believe that life can be as beautiful as you imagined it to be when you were younger, but it really can be. If you work hard and really imagine yourself and your future, it will come true. There is absolutely nothing you can’t do if you set your mind to it.
I also understand that not having the resources to create a beautiful life exists, and I will never discredit the blessings I have thanks to my parents. I only hope that we can all create a life better for ourselves and for our kids, where they will be able to experience a future that is truly what they dream of.
5. Your true friends will care about you no matter how far you stray
Sometimes you need to blow up your entire life to be happy, and the friends who know your heart will care about you no matter how far you stray. This isn’t an excuse to be a shitty person, but an independent one. Your true friends will understand you while also trying to guide you back down to earth once everything settles down.
6. Controlling your anger isn’t as hard as you always thought it would be
As the angry daughter, it’s hard to believe that controlling my anger isn’t as hard as I always thought it would be. With some patience for myself and everyone around me, staying level-headed is something to practice and take pride in when you can successfully not let your emotions get the best of you.
7. Don’t get large visible tattoos before the age of twenty-five
If you get a super cool tattoo before twenty-five and don’t regret it, cheers to you, but I just can’t relate. My advice is to wait until your frontal lobe develops and then decide what large image you want to permanently etch into your body.
8. Lifting weights sucks, but it’s important
Yoga, barre, and meditation have become increasingly important to me as I’ve gotten older. These peaceful practices help me feel more in tune with my body, breathing, and mind. Plus, the way barre tones your body is so impressive.
I’ve always been on and off in the gym until I started taking a Gentle Barre class every Friday for almost two years. The determination and results I saw from that class convinced me to be a pilates girl forever. It wasn’t until I moved back to my hometown that I switched and started to go to the gym to build muscle.
It’s been an adjustment, to say the least, because lifting weights sucks sometimes, but it’s important. Especially as your body ages, being strong is just as nice as being toned and it’s good for you too!
9. Stop letting your intrusive thoughts intrude
As someone with (undiagnosed) OCD, my intrusive thoughts can ruin even the happiest of moments. Sometimes it’s okay to ignore whatever scenario your brain is trying to feed you and force yourself to focus on other, positive thoughts. Especially if your happiness depends on it. It’s easier said than done, but reality is that practicing makes things way better than being stuck in your own head.
10. Ignoring your pain isn’t dealing with your pain
I’m learning that pain isn’t meant to be fixed. It’s meant to be thought about, talked through, and sat with. It’s meant to hurt in the silence even if it feels far away. Sometimes pain leaves, but the pain that stays is simply meant to linger next to you. It’s meant to exist just like you. And ignoring your pain just makes it worse. Pretending it’s not there is a way to cope, but sometimes it can be better to face what hurt you, even though it doesn’t mean you can fix it. Because ignoring your pain isn’t dealing with your pain; it’s leaving it there to fester and get worse.
11. Speak life into yourself and the people around you
Your words have power. That’s why it’s important to recite daily affirmations and speak life into yourself and the people around you. Negativity can’t win if you aren’t feeding into it. Being a positive force in people’s lives and in your own life is so important. You can never go wrong with being positive.
12. Tracking your cycle is way easier than you think
This is for my younger girls on birth control. Tracking your cycle is way easier than you think. Download an app that doesn’t collect your data (I use Aavia) and document your periods. You’ll thank me later!
13. Nurture your friendships
Girlhood has become increasingly important to me as I’ve gotten older. You should always nurture your friendships with people who respect and love you. It can be hard when you hold onto the wrong friends, but the right ones outweigh any of the awful friends I’ve ever had to learn to let go of.
14. Save money, but also don’t put too much pressure on yourself and enjoy life
This lesson is something I’m still teaching myself to this day. It’s so important to save money, but also not to put too much pressure on yourself and enjoy life. If you’re working hard and trying your best, reward yourself. We are going to die one day, and we will take none of these things with us. So spend that money, save some of it for emergencies, and treat yourself with the finest of things (that you can afford, of course).
15. Stop saying yes just to resent the people you say yes to later
Learning how to say no has been the best thing I’ve ever done for myself because not only am I prioritizing myself, but I’m also eliminating any resentment I might have had if I did say yes. I’ve always hated letting people down, so I used to say yes just to avoid guilt, but because I didn’t want to do the favor, I would get mad and resent the person I said yes to later. In reality, all I had to do was tell them no.
You aren’t letting anyone down by choosing yourself, and you definitely aren’t letting anyone down by eliminating the opportunity for resentment to build. It’s not anyone else’s fault you said yes but yours. Stop saying yes, and you’ll see how wonderful it is to establish boundaries and choose yourself.
16. Connecting with nature is one of the best ways to feel in tune with yourself
Connecting with nature has always been one of the best ways for me to feel in tune with myself. I always acknowledge how serene and aligned to the earth I feel in the early mornings or right before the day ends. This fact always speaks volumes to me as someone who feels genuinely moved after spending quality time in nature.
Going to the beach and hiking are two of my favorite ways to get outside, but sometimes simply just sitting on the back porch as the sun goes down is exactly what I need after a long day. If you haven’t felt connected to nature in a while, I encourage you to get outside!
17. You can’t fix people, no matter how hard your anxiety wants you to try
The reality is, you truly can’t fix people no matter how hard your anxiety wants you to. Which is a depressing lesson to learn because, honestly, for a long time I believed that if you talked things through and loved a person a little harder, they would change. And when they didn’t, I didn’t know how to give up on my pursuit.
Whether I was simply wanting love or my anxious attachment style was shining through, I learned that you can’t fix people. You can’t change what a person does, and the more you try, the less control you will feel. Instead of focusing on what the person I loved could change, I’ve begun to look at people for who they are and meet them where they’re at. And if I can’t accept someone for who they are, then I know I need to distance myself instead of latching onto a relationship that doesn’t benefit me.
18. Mental health issues impact everyone
The crazier the world gets, the more I start to realize that mental health issues impact everyone. It’s true when people say you’re only a couple of problems away from succumbing to your mental health. I will never take emotional stability, mood regulation, and mental peace for granted because I know how easily someone can lose their mind.
19. Stay close to your friends who become moms, they need you too
This isn’t something I know the true gravity of since I’m not a mom yet, but I’ve realized how important it is to be there for my friends who are moms. As much as you are going through new seasons of your life, so are they, and on top of that, their bodies are changing. I’m just assuming a familiar face probably does wonders for someone who is adjusting to a new baby. Of course, prioritize your mental health if the friendship no longer serves you, but if you can, stay close to your friends who become moms because they still need you too.
20. Nourish your soul with hobbies
Enriching my life with hobbies has been such a fun way to fill time as I’ve gotten older. Embracing things that brought me joy when I was younger feeds my inner child, and truthfully, it gets me off my damn phone.
If you’re unsure of what hobbies you can try, I suggest starting with something you already know you like and then embracing the hobbies you maybe thought you could never do. It could be reading, puzzles, sudoku, or coloring, even diamond art. Nourishing your soul with hobbies is a great way to feel like you’re doing something for you while getting yourself to try new things sometimes.
21. Travel the world for the people in your life who couldn’t
This goes back to grief, to hobbies, and to spending your money. I truly believe that you should travel the world, for yourself, of course, but also for the people in your life who couldn’t.
You deserve to see more than your mom or dad. Of course, it would be great to bring them with you, but they want you to have experiences. You deserve to see the places they could have never imagined going to.
So, please, travel. Get that passport, book those experiences, and live your life to the fullest. Whether you do it before or with kids is totally up to you, but don’t forget to make beautiful memories and expose yourself to a world your parents could never dream of.
22. Treat yourself as kindly as you treat others
Have you ever wondered why you tend to treat others better than you treat yourself? It’s sometimes way easier to be kind to a stranger, but isn’t that so ass-backwards? Why do we tend to value ourselves so little?
One of the best things I’ve ever learned is how to be kind to myself like I am to others. If you’re constantly talking down on yourself and being self-deprecating, I truly believe you are only putting yourself down. And sure, sometimes it’s a joke, and I’m all about making fun of myself, but when you don’t actually believe in yourself and treat yourself with kindness, you are only doing a disservice to your confidence.
You deserve the same kindness you give others, and even if other people can’t give that to you, you can give it to yourself. Stop putting yourself down and start treating yourself as kindly as you treat others!
23. Read!!!
My favorite form of escapism is reading. For some people, it’s movies or TV shows, but for me, imagining a fictional world and characters in my head is how I want to spend my time after my nine-to-five.
If you haven’t read in a while, I encourage you to pick up a book. And if you hate it, I’ll respect it because at least you tried. But going back to reading books like my younger self, who spent hours in the library during the summer, feels so good. It reminds me that no matter how much older I get, I will always be that little girl with white-blonde hair and a cow lick keeping my front bangs from being even, even if I feel disconnected from her at times.
24. Spend as much time as you can with the people that you love
Grief has slowly appeared in my life as I’ve gotten older and lost people unexpectedly. I’ve had to mourn loved ones whom I thought I would see at our next family party. But life is exactly like that, unpredictable, and just when you think you have control, something like death happens to remind you just how much control over life you really don’t have.
I find comfort in the fact that we’re all going to die and that eventually we will all be gone and in the same place. But before that comes, please spend as much time as you can with the people you love. Cherish their warm hugs and text messages because eventually all you’ll have left is the memory of them to look back on.
And yes, it is sad; it’s the human curse to die, but appreciating people while they’re here is the only way to make what comes after life easier to accept.
25. Let go of the things that once hurt you
Resentment ate at my heart and my mind for years after I graduated from high school. I stayed with a guy who cheated on me. It was only after I left that relationship that I began to slowly let go of the things that once hurt me.
I wanted more meaningful friendships, but I couldn’t bring myself to trust other women after that relationship. I resented myself for being insecure and my ex for ruining female friendships for me.
I wanted to move past what had happened, but it was so hard to let go of all of the hurt when I was constantly reminded about it through my insecurities.
With time, I was eventually able to forgive myself and let go of all of the pain I was holding onto. And as I continued to heal, I finally became closer to new girls and built genuine friendships that completely made me forget about the females who had betrayed me before.
So yeah, you’re going to get hurt, and the people who hurt you are not going to care about how it leaves you afterwards. That mess is for you and only you to clean up. But you can do it, and if you’re willing to let go of the things that once hurt you for yourself, you will be able to heal and move past any situation. Even one that feels unfixable.
26. You become more of yourself as you age, and that is beautiful
I think as women, we are all afraid of aging to an extent. Because our looks are so deeply embedded in how people perceive us, it can be scary to become older. But the truth is, you become more of yourself as you age, and that is beautiful.
One of the things I’ve loved the most about getting older is getting to know myself. I’m more certain than I’ve ever been before about what I want and what I deserve. It’s a privilege to age; not everyone has the opportunity to experience it.
Life is full of loss and change, so maybe I’ll even change my mind. We’ll see as I get older, but I hope I continue to discover more of myself every single year.
What have you learned so far in your life? Let me know in the comments below! I’d love to know if any of these lessons resonate with you and the season you’re going through.
Thank you so much for reading, and happy birthday to my fellow geminis ♊️ I hope you have a lovely time celebrating your birthday all month long!!
xoxoxo
