The life of a childless 26-year-old

No one bats an eye, especially where I’m from, until you’re in your mid-twenties and you still don’t have a kid. Some people tend to look at you differently for choosing not to bring a baby into this world. Others applaud you for being so responsible. 

The ones who decide to judge act like you don’t have true responsibilities because you choose not to have a kid. That your life isn’t as hard because you are child-free. 

I do agree that my life is substantially easier because I don’t have to take care of another human being, but as someone who is constantly juggling thoughts of, when should I have a baby? And, does having one really fulfill your family life? I can’t help but feel resentment towards the parents who belittle their childless friends. 

When I come across these types of parents, they make me look at myself in the mirror after our conversations and ask, are they right? Am I selfish for not wanting to have a child at an early age? I almost always conclude at the end of it that I’m happy with my decision not to have a kid yet, but I can’t deny the effects it has on me as someone who is constantly wondering when the right time is to have a baby.

I see my friends and even younger family members happy with kids, and I want that for myself, but I also don’t think I want it badly enough yet to actually try to have a kid.

I would be lying if I said it didn’t cross my mind. We recently even decided on a boy and a girl name for children that may not even exist.

The truth is, as much as I almost yearn for it, I just don’t feel ready to be a mom. I’m newly engaged, bought a house, and finally working a job that pays me a livable wage. It just doesn’t make sense to me to have barely achieved some of my goals and then have a kid. 

And I know the timing will never be right, so eventually I will have to make that choice to start trying, but I won’t be doing it because of the outside pressure that comes with getting older. 

I want to feel ready. I want to one hundred percent give it my all. And I want my kid, or kids, to have everything they’ve ever wanted. And I know all they need is love, but don’t you think you would have been better off if your parents could have supported you more?

I come from a family of four: just me, my mom, dad, and sister. My parents waited until their 30s to have kids. And even though there were still financial struggles, they were able to financially support my sister and me as we transitioned into adulthood.

Without that support, I don’t know where I’d be. Outside of my hard work, the only reason I am successful is because of them.

So when it comes to my kids, in a dream world (which is what is going to happen; I’m manifesting it), my fiancé and I move up North so they can get a better education and have more opportunities. They will spend their summers doing extracurriculars and experience an annual family trip to Europe (because it’s my dream haha). They’ll go to a college in the city, and either get their education paid for or, if not, we’ll be able to afford it and keep them out of debt. 

And if they don't go to school, whatever else they decide is ultimately fine too because eventually they’ll be able to do exactly what they dreamed of because of us. Because we decided to wait to have them. 

So as much as I think about my future daughter and son, and I’m excited to see who half of me and my partner will turn out to be, I love them so much that I’m going to wait until the moment feels right to me.

I’m going to work on myself, my health, and my goals so that when they do come into my life I can be the best person for them. 

The life of a childless 26-year-old is beautiful and free, but it's also a place in between a constant state of what was and what’s to come and be.